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' Just a heads-up: That coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronal activity in your brain.' Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair.

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You make up your own rules, just like me.' | Download | Play I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a happy face.' | Download | Play

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Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries.

' Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing.

Let us know if you feel a shortness of breath, a persistent dry cough or your heart stopping.

' All these science spheres are made of asbestos, by the way.

' We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is yet, but I'll tell you this: it's a lively one, and it does NOT like the human skeleton.' | Download | Play.

' Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.' | Download | Play.

If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.' | Download | Play

' Now, maybe you don't have any tumors.

In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.' | Download | Play

' For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel.

I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day.' | Download | Play That gave me an idea: make more pre-recorded messages. They're telling me I oughtta stop making these pre-recorded messages.

' The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group.

All joking aside, that did happen - broke every bone in his legs.

' You're not part of the control group, by the way.

This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'' | Download | Play At Aperture, we do all our science from scratch.

' They say great science is built on the shoulders of giants.

You'll know when the test starts.' | Download | Play Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men.

' Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely.

' Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.' | Download | Play.

' Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor.' | Download | Play.

' Your test assignment will vary, depending on the manner in which you have bent the world to your will.' | Download | Play.

I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.' | Download | Play

' There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres.' She's the backbone of this facility.Isn't that right, Caroline?' | Download | Play Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. ' That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant.

' Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself.' | Download | Play.

So: Who is ready to make some science?' | Download | Play Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians-you're here because we want the best, and you are it.

' Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science.

4 Intercom messages at the VITRIFIED doors.